a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
