he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
