It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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