in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
