please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
