I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
