hell yes lets make some ravioli
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
