I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
