i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
