This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
