I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
