I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
