All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
