threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
