Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she peed on how many people?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
