After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
