You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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