I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
