If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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