Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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