there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Randomize
