i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
