I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
