That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Who wears a wallet chain?!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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