I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
