well I can't set my house on fire every night
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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