We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
