Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
