Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
