is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
