too bad you live with your parents still
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
