If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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