I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I smell stomach acid.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
