Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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