The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You need Xanax blowdarts
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
