I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
