epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
