he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
