Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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