you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
