can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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