Too much gin, very little bucket
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
