Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i think i just naturally attract stoners
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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