the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
