i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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