Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
