whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
