fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ugly people sure do ruin things
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
