I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
