I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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