just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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