Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
